Being Relevant

Okay, quick question before we even start. No intro. No warm-up. Just answer immediately you can be viral or you can have a consistent sleep schedule. Which one do you choose?

You can be iconic… or hydrated and mentally well.

You can have followers or boundaries.

But, apparently, not both.”

So, would you rather be relevant… or… mentally stable otherwise known as in touch with reality?

As a therapist, I’ve been observing today’s culture… and I don’t think we’re allowed both anymore. I feel like the internet and social media is just a competition of who can be the most interesting version of themselves while slowly dissociating or slipping out of reality. It’s like you can either be trending…or you can know where your birth certificate is or you can know what day it is, pay your bills on time, and have a stable personality.

But… apparently you can’t be both.

Welcome back to the podcast—today we’re asking a question that sounds fake but is actually ruining people’s lives quietly… Would you rather be relevant—like everyone’s watching you— or in touch with reality, like… you know who you are and your brain isn’t on fire?

Because right now, culturally, it feels like we reward people for being seen—not necessarily for being grounded. And honestly? Some of the most relevant people seem… deeply unwell.

This was part of my struggle when deciding what to do my episodes about. Do I want to be trendy and “relevant” and get lots of likes and subscribers or do I want to be taken seriously? I decided to be taken seriously.

Hello everybody and welcome back! I’m Mary, the OG WooWoo therapist and I want to welcome you to this week’s episode recorded in my functional but versatile home office that is one block from the interstate where traffic noise is a real thing and can be disruptive. So, I apologize in advance for any noise disruptions.

And as usual, I have to tell you that everything I talk about today is not intended to take the place of counseling or therapy. It is only for informational purposes. And pretty much my opinion of what I see in today’s culture. If you relate to any of the information do not self-diagnose or diagnose anyone else. If you are disturbed by it, seek a professional to talk to about it.

Let’s talk about relevance. Being relevant means people are watching you, talking about you, reacting to you… Not necessarily understanding you. Just… observing you like a zoo animal with Wi-Fi.”

The phrases “relevant” and “in touch with” can overlap, but they’re used a bit differently depending on context. I’m wondering what happened to “I’m hip to that?” I know that is a “so yesterday” phrase, but it captured the spirit of being relevant or with the times but also the idea of being in touch with reality.

So, let’s look at the word, relevant. It means, something is directly related or useful to the topic at hand. It is often used in discussions, work, or analysis to indicate that something is pertinent to something. And it focuses on importance or applicability.

For example, we might say something like that example isn’t relevant to the argument. Or, make sure your resume highlights relevant experience. In other words, relevance is about does this matter here.

In touch with means being aware of, connected to, or understanding something current. It is often used socially or culturally and focuses on awareness or connection. For example, we might say she’s really in touch with what younger audiences like. Or he’s out of touch with reality.

So, let me ask you this, are you aware and connected?

It boils down to this key difference relevant is about fit and usefulness and in touch with is about awareness and connection. But not in today’s culture.

Here’s a quick comparison, a trend can be relevant to your business because it affects you. And you can be in touch with that trend meaning you understand it and keep up with it. For me, the relevant trend is podcasting or blogging which I understand and am in touch with that relevance and my topics related to mental health are relevant as well but, unless they are in touch with what is important for people to know about mental health it is just trendy information for the next episode of Jeopardy. I don’t expect that my podcasts or blogs will ever go viral, but they are relevant because of the usefulness of the topics and in touch with the experience of having a mental health issue.

So, let’s look at the person who goes viral. Think about the person who goes viral for something random—like crying in their car over iced coffee. Suddenly they’re everywhere. Brand deals, interviews, people dissecting their entire personality. And two weeks later? Silence. Like they were a seasonal item at Target.

There are people who have had… seven personalities since 2020. Cottagecore, Gym era, ‘I’m off social media’ (while posting about it), Spiritual awakening and ‘I only drink water and judge people now’. At this point their personality is a subscription service.

Let’s look at the trendy person. You ever see someone completely reinvent themselves every 3 months? New aesthetic, new personality, new ‘this is who I’ve always been’… At this point, their personality has more rebrands than a fast-food chain. You can trend without growing and that is a wasteful use of time.

Let’s look at the Workplace Version. At work, relevance is that one person who always has something to say in meetings…not always something useful, but something. They’re like, “just to piggyback off that”…and then say something totally irrelevant to the topic at hand. Relevance is loud. Self-awareness is quiet—but it lasts longer.

So, let’s define it as it is used in contemporary culture. Being relevant means people are paying attention to you, you matter in the current conversation, and you’re… visible. But here’s the catch: relevance is temporary. Relevance is like being the main character… in a 24-hour Instagram story or a snap chat. Relevance is confidence plus timing plus a little bit of delusion.

One of the things we see is that trends move fast and are temporary. Not that something can’t re-trend like bell bottom pants from the 60s. But relevance often equals performance, not authenticity and it can be manufactured or pretended.

It’s interesting that you don’t have to be interesting to be relevant. You just have to be… loud and seen at the right time.

Now, I ask you, is relevance actually about value… or just timing? Do you remember the dance offs from TikTok in the covid era? And what about the use of era to talk about a short period of time in our lives. Thank you Taylor Swift! So, if relevance is about being seen…what does it mean to be in touch with something?”

Now let’s talk about being in touch with reality… which is significantly less exciting but way better for your blood pressure. Being in touch with something means you’re aware, grounded, connected. You can be in touch with reality, in touch with your emotions, in touch with what actually matters. Being in touch doesn’t get you followers necessarily… it gets you peace. Which is what I have as a result of taking the position that mental health needs to understood and it needs to matter not just be relevant.

Let’s talk about self-awareness vs performance, stability vs visibility, and why being in touch is less flashy but more sustainable. No one’s ever gone viral for saying ‘I processed my emotions in a healthy way today.’ But they have for going on a rant and crying in their cars.

Being self-aware is about knowing what is going on with myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically. Not so much about what I am doing, eating, listening to, or reading. Yes, those things are important to establishing and maintaining my mental health. But being in touch means I know what I’m doing, if it is going to help me or not, and why I’m doing it.

Relevant people are like: ‘Look at me.’ In-touch people are like: ‘Let me understand this.’ Being in touch with reality is like you get upset… and instead of tweeting about it… you sit there and go, ‘Okay why did that trigger me?’ Not nearly as attention getting but oh so much more valuable.

For example, let’s talk about that Grounded Friend. You know that one friend who’s just… calm? Like you call them in a spiral and they’re like, ‘Okay, let’s slow down. What actually happened?’ They have that energy that enables us to take a breath and think about our state of being. And you hate them for 3 seconds because they’re right.

Let’s think about this as an unimpressive win. Being in touch with yourself looks like canceling plans because you’re tired and not feeling guilty about it. Taking care of yourself without excuses if hard because everyone questions your “no”. Has anyone ever asked you why you said yes to something? Not me, but they always want to know why not! Being in touch with ourself is honestly more powerful than going viral.

This example is dear to my heart, let’s look at therapy vs posting on your timeline. Being relevant is posting ‘I’m in my healing era. Seeking attention for it. Being in touch is actually sitting in therapy saying something like, Yeah, I think I might be the problem. Or, being relevant is posting: ‘Healing era with a bunch of emojis. Being in touch is sitting in therapy like, Yeah so I think I sabotage my own happiness for sport. Attention and understanding are not the same thing.

This is where it gets uncomfortable. Because a lot of systems—social media, entertainment, even work culture—reward visibility over depth. I have heard it said about me in the workplace that I am so serious, but I am also down-to-earth, reliable, consistent, and in touch with myself. I’m not trendy. I understand myself and am able to help others understand themselves. And while that can be trendy in this culture, it is sustainable.

One of the reasons I know I won’t be going viral is that algorithms favor extremes, nuance doesn’t trend, and calm grounded people aren’t exciting. The internet doesn’t reward being right. It rewards being engaging. Some people are famous. Some people are stable. We have to choose wisely, our mental health depends on it.

You can be completely out of touch with reality… and still be incredibly relevant. And sometimes… that’s the strategy. I think that some people are not out of touch… they are on airplane mode pretty much permanently. Being in touch doesn’t get applause. It gets stability. Which is… way less sexy, but so much more useful.

Today we have a lot of social media presence where online you’re like: confident, witty, unbothered. Offline you’re thinking things like ‘Why did I say that in 7th grade?’ at 2 a.m.

One of things that I see a lot is that someone can say something thoughtful and balanced and it’ll get 2 likes. But say something unhinged like ‘nobody should have friends’ suddenly they’re a thought leader. I’m telling you right now—the system is not built for you to be both grounded and extremely relevant.

And there are people who are clearly exhausted, overwhelmed, maybe even spiraling…and we’re like, ‘But they’re so relevant right now!’ Relevance will keep you booked and busy… even if you’re mentally checked out. Going viral won’t fix your inner dialogue or help you find lasting internal peace.

So now the real question—if you had to choose…

Okay, let’s actually play this out. Here are a couple of scenarios.

Scenario 1: You’re extremely relevant. You walk into a room—people whisper your name.  Everyone knows you, talks about you, follows you…But you don’t know if they like you… or just recognize you from a clip where you said something weird. But privately, you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, and kind of lost. Is it worth it?

Scenario 2: You’re not really visible. You’re not relevant. No one’s watching you… But you’re grounded, self-aware, stable… You sleep well. You know who you are. Your life feels like it actually belongs to you and you know when people like you. Is that enough?

One life is a performance. The other one is… peace and snacks and a conversation with yourself. Like imagine being famous AND self-aware… you’d log off immediately. And by the way, most famous people do not look at social media. I find that very interesting. How many fake accounts are out there for the famous? I get friend requests from them all the time. And I am not really on social media. I have social media and I use it to provide a link to my mental health content not because I am focused on being relevant or going viral. But if I do…

Let’s be honest—we all want to be a little relevant. We want to be seen. We want people to get us. But most of us don’t actually want pure relevance. We want to be seen… but not at the cost of ourselves.

When you chase relevance too hard, you stop asking: ‘What do I like?’ And start asking: ‘What performs well?’ That’s how you become a version of yourself that gets attention… but feels like a stranger.

Some things to keep in mind in the chase for relevance. There is a lot of pressure to stay relevant. So, the need is to constantly be seeking the next thing to say or do that will keep the relevance going. There are some statistics that support the fact that when someone is no longer relevant and not going viral it increases the chances for completed suicides. And then there is burnout from constantly performing, always being on. Too tired to live your own life because you are always performing.

I wonder if the viral, relevant folks ever have a quiet desire for stability, peace, and owning their own lives. I think a lot of people are chasing relevance… when what they actually want is to feel understood and be noticed.

You ever have a moment that’s actually really nice… and your first thought is, ‘Wait, I should post this’? And suddenly, you’re not even in the moment anymore—you’re directing it.

When you try too hard to stay relevant, you start asking: ‘What do people want from me?’ instead of ‘What do I actually feel?’ That’s how you slowly become a version of yourself that performs well… but doesn’t feel like home.

So let me ask you this, when do you feel most like yourself? When you’re being noticed… or when you’re being real?

Okay, so obviously the real answer is… you don’t want to pick just one. Most of us want both. How about this, be in touch with yourself FIRST… and then choose what parts of that you want to share. You don’t need to prove you’re interesting when you actually are interested in your own life. The most magnetic people aren’t chasing relevance… they’re rooted in themselves and somehow how magically become relevant.

Because if you build your whole identity on relevance… you’re gonna have an identity crisis every time the algorithm changes. Imagine tying your self-worth to an app that also shows you videos of raccoons washing grapes or babies faces when someone farts.

Here’s an idea, be in touch first, then choose how you show up and use relevance as a tool, not an identity. Maybe the goal isn’t to be relevant… it’s to be real enough that relevance doesn’t cost you anything.

So, today’s practical takeaways are, check your motivations ask yourself am I doing this to be seen or to express something real? Build awareness and be in touch with yourself first and let relevance be a byproduct, not the goal.

So… would you rather be relevant or in touch with reality? Do you want attention… or emotional stability? Do you want to trend… or to sleep peacefully? Do you want to be known… or know yourself? Because relevance is something people give you… but being in touch with yourself is something you give yourself. Which one do you think will have a lasting effect?

So, is the better question—what are you willing to sacrifice to be either? Because relevance fades. But being in touch with yourself… that’s what actually holds you together. Let me know what you’d choose— and more importantly, why. Or are you like me and sort of want both?

Thank you for joining me today and listening to my opinion about being relevant. I think it is too important in the age of social media to let it be an unspoken topic in the arena of mental health. If you liked today’s content, please give it a like and consider subscribing. I will be back next week with another client suggested topic. This one was mine.